August 30, 2014

Compromise in marriage

couple not talking to each otherMarriage is one of the most difficult and rewarding things that any of us will attempt to do in life. There are all sorts of challenges that face every marriage. There are family problems, sudden career changes, health issues, and accidents. The stresses and strains on a marriage can be beyond belief, and without a way to deal with them most marriages quickly fall apart. However, another issue that is equally problematic for marriages is general disagreement. There seems to be a law written somewhere in heaven that says that when two people live together there will be arguments and problems. It doesn’t matter how similar you and your spouse might be; if you live together and you go through the stress of modern life you will find yourself having to make compromises. When people are first married and in their honeymoon phase they can’t imagine ever having any kind of problem with their spouse or with the way their spouse does things. Shortly thereafter, however, they often find that they need to make some adjustments to the situation because some new challenge has come their way. Because compromise is a necessary part of marriage, how will you learn to do so? How will you work out the inevitable twists and turns of a marriage?

Compromise is a difficult issue because many people like to be right. When you get emotionally involved in a situation it can be difficult to simply find a solution rather than feel like you have gotten your way. However, even when you are right and get your way, you often find that you lose in the long run. A marriage is not a competition with your best friend; it is a combined effort to help each other improve the quality of life. Marriage should help all of us to accomplish our dreams rather than tearing each other apart. So how will you learn to compromise in marriage?

Whenever you feel the need to argue about something, ask yourself if it will do any good? Does it really help to fight about the issue at hand? Realize that one of you needs to step down if you are going to solve the problem. Sometimes doing the opposite of what you think is right is better than doing nothing at all. If you don’t act when action is required you will not find the solution to pressing problems.

Sit down with your spouse and talk about the issue of compromise. Discuss how you will successfully compromise in situations with strong emotions. One way to prevent blowups is to talk about how you will compromise before the situation demands you to do so. Maybe there are certain issues that you can agree to compromise on in a particular way. If your husband or wife likes to do a particular activity in a very particular way allow them to do so. In exchange you can demand that they allow you to do something you like in a certain way. These are the sorts of compromises upon which a marriage is built. You simply cannot expect to not make these types of compromises in a relationship between two individuals.

These are just a few suggestions for ways to form healthy compromises in marriage. Because every marriage is different you will need to find your own ways to do so. Think about your spouse and the sorts of things that are most important to them. Respect your differences and think about ways to compromise with your spouse that will help to strengthen your marriage.

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