Marriage is not an easy thing to make work for anyone. Even those people who seem most well prepared for the undertaking run into setbacks and problems that they did not expect. Marriage demands more from us than many of us are willing to give. In many cases it ends in divorce because of the stress and strain it puts on individuals. It seems that anytime two different people are placed in a committed relationship there will be problems. Even if you are remarkably similar to your spouse you will often find yourself fighting or disliking the way that the other does certain things. As the stresses and strains of life mount this also can lead to some serious problems. Not long after the wedding bells have rung, many people find that they no longer feel the same way that the used to about their spouse. With so many opportunities for failure, it is amazing that many marriages actually do work. If you are about to become married, or if you have been married for many years, there are some things that you should learn about how individuals function in marriage.
Although many wedding ceremonies make the claim that two separate individuals become one in a marriage, the truth is far more complicated. While ideally the two are united in purpose and love, they remain individuals with different personalities, histories, and goals. A marriage is thus more of a complicated relationship between two people trying to support each other rather than a single unity. If the people involved in the relationship are particularly independent the marriage can become extremely strained and needs its own set of rules.
Given that marriage is between two individuals, it is important to remember that the institution should respect the hopes and dreams of these individuals. A marriage that stifles one person’s hopes and dreams so that the other partner can achieve theirs is not a good marriage. Ideally a marriage should be a support network to help both people achieve what they want in life.
One way to avoid many of the problems arising from the inherent individualism of existence is to be prepared for it. You need to expect that your spouse will still be who they are after you have been married. Realize that they are an individual with their own friends, and with a need for personal space. You cannot plan for them or attempt to think about their future for them. Often when a single partner in a relationship become controlling it sends a signal to the other spouse. They quickly learn that they are in an abusive situation and try to find a way out.
A marriage is strongest when it allows two individuals to love each other without controlling each other. Recognize the things that make your spouse an individual and celebrate them. Realize that controlling these parts of your spouse’s personality will only lead to serious problems. Create space in which both of you can function as distinct individuals and spaces where you function as a married couple. Respect all decisions that your spouse makes as a professional in their respective career. The worst thing to do is to patronize or treat a spouse’s personal ambition flippantly.
Given that your marriage is unique and different from all the other marriages on this planet, you will need to think about ways to improve it. However, if you can follow the guidelines outlined above you will quickly find that your marriage is stronger and full of more love.