May 9, 2002

How to strengthen your emotional connections in marriage

Marriage is one of the greatest experiences that many people will ever have. However, it can also be one of the most difficult and trying. Marriage makes us vulnerable and it tries our patience. Having to live with another person always produces conflicts, regardless of however similar they might be. If you are experiencing marital conflicts you are not alone; most marriages experience one form of conflict or another. Often these conflicts are the result of poor communication. Many people feel that they have little emotional connection with their spouse. They hardly ever talk with their spouse, and when they do they feel their communication is about the most trivial of things. They talk about how their day has gone and how they local sports team is going. They try to talk to establish some sort of communication but they don’t try to talk about anything that is particularly important. This can be extremely frustrating for someone who really has something to say or who wants to communicate some part of their emotional life. Many of us would like to share our emotional life with all of its ups and downs. Not being able to do so with a life partner can be a serious limitation. So how will you strengthen your emotional connections in marriage? Read bellow for some suggestions about how to do this:

One of the most important ways to strengthen your relationship in terms of emotional connection is talk regularly about your feelings, hopes, and asperations. It is also important that you share emotional information that might not be the most comfortable. Emotional intimacy cannot occur if you only speak about things that make you happy. You have to trust the other person with the most difficult parts of your life—the depression, the pain, and lonelyness. It is only through doing so that you will feel that you can trust them and entrust them with your emotional life. Without this kind of mutual trust you will not be able to form an intimate emotional bond. This does not mean that you need to pour out your heart everyday, collapsing into terrible sobs, but it does mean that you should be emotionally close.

One way to get form a stronger emotional connection is to have some sort of regular time to talk about feelings. Many marriages lose emotional closeness because the couple does not take the time to actually talk with each other. They don’t have a regularly scheduled time to speak about their problems and so they never speak about them.

Also, realize that speaking is not the only way to strengthen your emotional connections in marriage. You can express yourself through hugs and through comforting looks or glances. It is actually important that you express your emotions through physical contact. Couples that cannot touch each other are rarely emotionally close.

There are lots of other ways for you to express emotions and to form a strong emotional relationship with your spouse. Because every relationship is different and every person is different you will need to tailor your plan to your needs. Experiment with different things to figure out what works for you best. Don’t mess around with your emotional connection. Keep working at it and be patient. One reason why lots of marriages end quickly is that people are not very patient with their partner. Realize that almost any relationship creates emotional stress that has to be dealt with. Dealing with these difficulties takes time and knowledge to figure out how to respond.

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