Marital roles have evolved in many ways. It used to be commonplace that the wife would take care of all the chores around the house, including cleaning and cooking, while the husband worked outside the home and earned the money.
These days, however, are a little different. It is more and more common to see families in which both work, or the husband stays home and cares for the kids and the wife works outside the home, and so forth. As a result, marital roles are not always the “traditional” wife stays at home and takes care of all the chores while the husband goes to work.
With so many different dynamics, it is important to address expected marital roles. While it would be ideal that both parties would help out around the house as needed, that is not always the case. That is why it is so important to address a wide range of responsibilities and roles, such as who does the cooking, takes care of the finances, cleans the house, and so forth.
The following are some ways addressing roles will help your marriage:
It clears up misunderstanding.
Unless roles are addressed, there could be misunderstandings. For example, let’s say both you and your husband have careers, and your husband was raised in a home where his father was the breadwinner and his mother stayed home and cleaned and cooked. He may automatically assume that you, as the wife, will take on that role. It’s not that he is being lazy, it’s just that there was no communication about roles.
It helps you avoid resentment.
When marital roles aren’t addressed, it is likely that one person will end up doing the majority of the work around the house. This can lead to resentment by one feeling that they do “everything.” When things around the house are divided up in such a way that both are happy with the roles, then resentment is avoided.
It keeps the responsibilities off of one person’s shoulders.
Many spouses, most often the wives, ask their partner for “help” around the house or with marital responsibilities, such as, “I could really use some help around the house today,” or “Could you help me get the kids to bed tonight?” While this seems like the polite way to handle things, asking for help actually implies that the responsibilities of the marriage and home are yours and yours alone. In addition, it creates frustration and resentment in the spouse doing all the work by having to ask for help, instead of assuming the responsibilities are shared.
Instead of trying to do it all yourself and asking your spouse to help you with it, first address your expected marital roles, then work to divide up the responsibilities around the house in a way that both parties can agree on.
It reduces marital strife.
Next to finances, arguments about household chores and marital roles are the most common. One person seems to be shouldering all of the work, and arguments ensue. When these roles aren’t addressed, it can turn into marital problems that can cause serious issues within your marriage.
Addressing expected marital roles early in your marriage will help you to have a happier, healthier marriage in which both contribute to the responsibilities around the house.
