May 18, 2012

You are here: Home / Raising Children

Techniques to stop back talking

August 2, 2011 By admin Leave a Comment

girl saying noFew things are more frustrating to a parent than a child who is constantly talking back. Back talk is disrespectful and should not be tolerated at any age. But you don’t need to lose your cool.

Perhaps you have already tried-unsuccessfully-to stop your child from talking back. Take a step back when you are not angry and evaluate how you are handling the back talk and see what isn’t working. Do you end up yelling at your child, then apologizing? Do you end up giving in even after scolding? Once you know what you are doing that isn’t working, you can take steps to solve the problem in a better way.

The following are some of the best techniques to stop back talking:

  • Make sure your child knows what is back talk. If your child talks back to you, immediately point it out. Saying something like, “You’re talking back to me, and that’s not OK,” or “That’s back talk,” will help your child no in no uncertain terms that that type of talk is inappropriate and will not be tolerated by you.
  • Don’t get in an argument with your child. If your child starts talking back, don’t engage him by arguing with him or getting mad. Chances are he wants your attention, and will do whatever it takes to get it, even if the attention is unpleasant. Instead, refuse to communicate with your child when he is talking back to you. Stop the conversation and say, “I’m not going to talk to you while you talk back to me,” or send him to his room for a certain amount of time and tell him he can come out when he can be respectful. When your child sees that you won’t give in to back talk, it will stop.
  • Set consequences for back talk. If your child still continues to knowingly talk back, even after you have defined it and refused to participate in a conversation when your child is talking back, set certain consequences or punishments for talking back. Let your child know what the consequence is (time-out, no TV, no trip out for ice cream, etc.) and then make sure to enforce it, no matter what. Consistency with discipline is crucial if you want the consequence to have an effect and the back talk to stop, so don’t back down.
  • Don’t give in to back talk. Kids talk back because, at one point or another, the arguing and whining has worked. Parents give in to back talk because sometimes, they just don’t feel like it’s worth the hassle. Even if it’s easier to give in to your child’s back talk, stay firm. Soon your child will learn that back talk gets him nowhere and will stop.
  • Praise your child for being respectful. Praising your child for respectful behavior (ie, doing what they’re told without back talk, not arguing, and so forth) are good ways to encourage good behavior, which will ultimately cut down on back talk. Kids need and want approval and will seek after it-you just have to point out the behavior you approve of.

Back talk is a problem for some kids, but it’s not unfix-able. The above techniques are effective ways to stop back talking.

Filed Under: Raising Children Tagged With: back talk, how to keep your child from talking back, how to stop back talking, stopping back talk, what to do when your child talks back

Teaching your child problem solving skills

August 1, 2011 By admin Leave a Comment

mother and daughter solving puzzleAs parents, it’s your responsibility to teach your children essential life skills. One important thing kids need to learn is problem solving skills. Knowing how to effectively solve problems teaches kids responsibility, accountability, and independence, among other lessons.

The following are some ways you can teach your child problem solving skills.

Give your kids some independence.
One of the ways kids will learn how to solve problems is by being allowed to do some things themselves. This can be as simple as allowing them to dress themselves or letting them make their own breakfast or dinner. Independence gives them the ability to encounter problems, such as how to fix a shirt that went on the wrong way or reach the cereal on the shelf, and then helps them to work on their problem solving skills.

Allow your kids to struggle.
It’s not easy as a parent to watch your child struggle or fail. But even if you feel bad, it’s important to let your kids have the opportunity to do things for themselves. For example, if your child is learning how to tie shoes, don’t always step in and do it for him. Or, if your child is having a fight or disagreement with a sibling, don’t automatically step in and stop them (unless they are about to get hurt.) Kids learn the best when they are allowed to work through their problems and then solve them.

Even failure can teach kids problem solving skills through trial and error and cause and effect. For example, if your child spends all his lunch money by Tuesday, he will learn to better budget his money.

Be patient.
It can be just as frustrating for parents as it is for kids to see them try and solve their own problems. Sometimes, it’s easier to just step in and do it yourself. While it may be tempting, kids will never learn problem solving skills when their parents do everything for them. Not only that, stepping in and doing things for your kids all the time robs them of the satisfaction and confidence they feel when they are able to finally complete or figure out something they have been struggling with. Allowing kids to struggle, then figure out problems on their own, gives them the added confidence to tackle things on their own.

Offer suggestions
That’s not to say you can’t help your kids. You can offer them suggestions, just don’t solve the problem or do it for them. Let them come to their own solution. For example, if your child is struggling with his homework, don’t automatically step in and give answers or “show” him how to do it by doing it for him. Instead, you can prompt him by asking questions or reminding him of things he has already learned. Or, if a child comes to you with a problem, give them options of how they can solve it. Then, they are still able to come to their own decision about how to solve a problem.

Let your kids come to you.
It’s a good idea to be there for your kids as they express their frustration or bounce ideas off of you for solving problems. Talk through the problem, offer suggestions and sympathy, but don’t solve it for them.

Problem solving skills are important life lessons all kids need to learn. This is just a few ways you can help them.

Filed Under: Raising Children Tagged With: how to teach problem solving, teaching independnece, teaching kids to solve their own problems, teaching your child problem solving skills

Teaching your child accountability and responsibility

July 31, 2011 By admin Leave a Comment

little boy vacuumingTwo of the most important things you can teach your child in order to be successful and happy in life are accountability and responsibility. While many things will help a child learn responsibility and accountability, they are best taught at home early on in the child’s life.

The following are some tips for teaching your child accountability and responsibility:

Give your child tasks that he or she is responsible for.
Early on, it’s important to give your child some responsibility. This can be in the form of things to do around the house or by taking care of themselves. Young children can be responsible for dressing themselves, picking out what they want to wear, or putting their toys away when they are done playing with them. As kids get older, they can be given chores around the house, such as feeding the dog, mowing the lawn, or taking out the trash. Let your child know that the rest of the family is counting on them to complete their chores, and be encouraging and motivating to help them learn responsibility.

Help your kids get organized.
It is much easier for kids to be responsible when things are organized and they know what is expected of them. Make a chore chart to help them see visually what they are responsible for. Help them organize their homework and make lists of things that need to be done, such as upcoming reports or projects and due dates. This will help kids learn to be more responsible as they learn to budget their time and get things done.

Don’t do your kids work for them.
Sometimes, it’s easier to just do your kids’ chores yourself-that way you know it will be done quickly and in the way you want. The same goes for homework. It can be much easier to step in and do the math problems or rewrite a report to help your child get a better grade rather than sit and explain step by step how to do things. You may think you’re helping, but in reality you’re doing your kids a disservice; they won’t learn responsibility or accountability if their parents always step in and do their work for them.

Let your kids be accountable for their mistakes.
Sometimes, experience is the best teacher, and kids should be able to experience accountability for their irresponsibility. For example, if your child stayed up late and slept in the next morning, then forgot her homework, don’t rush to take it to her. Instead, help her see that there are consequences to irresponsibility. Or, if your child breaks a neighbor’s window playing baseball, have him pay for the damages out of allowance or through extra chores around the house. Kids need to be held accountable for the mistakes they make.

Provide incentives.
For younger kids, incentives are also helpful for learning responsibility. This could be stickers on a chore chart for completing their chores correctly and on time, or a trip to the park on Saturday if they do their homework for that week. An allowance is also a helpful incentive for kids. At the same time, help them know that these incentives must be earned.

Teaching kids accountability and responsibility is an important job for parents. While it may not be easy, the above tips will help you to teach your children accountability and responsibility.

Filed Under: Raising Children Tagged With: accountability and responsibility, teaching kids to be accountable, teaching responsibility, teaching your kids responsibility

Stop your child from making bad choices

July 30, 2011 By admin Leave a Comment

sweet baby smilingAs any person looks back and considers the course of their life there are probably some decisions that they remember, and for different reasons. Sometimes we remember the good decisions we made and their outcomes. Often we think about how the bad choices be made came to affect our lives in negative ways. I guess its true that hindsight is twenty twenty, but this doesn’t really ease the regret that many of us feel as we consider the difficulties we have caused ourselves and others at certain times in life. These bad choices concern us even more as we watch our children start to make some of the same wrong decisions. We often watch in horror as our children unknowingly do the wrong thing. Parents who try to control their child’s behavior so that they can avoid bad choices often find that they are unable to do so. However, there are certain things a parent can do to help keep their children from making bad decisions.
While you are trying to help your children to do the right thing it is important to remember that you can become overly controlling. People have to be allowed to make bad mistakes as well as good choices on their own. What you can do as a concerned parent is to educate your child and provide them with a good example. Think of some of the most important bad choices you made as a child or as an adult and then discuss them with your son or daughter. This might be things such as not studying hard in school, starting smoking or the use of a drug, or even just not taking advantage of a good opportunity. Sit down with your child and talk frankly about how making a bad decision affected your life. Although your child probably won’t understand everything you say, they might get the basic point. Also, ask your child what their hopes and dreams are and what they need to do to achieve them. Explain that making bad decisions makes it impossible to pursue hopes and dreams. This discussion will help your child to get some sense of the impact of bad decisions. Without couching the discussion in terms of their dreams they probably won’t understand why certain decisions will be bad ones and others good.
Next, a good way to help your child avoid making bad decisions is to emphasize good ones. Help your child to focus on their goals and to achieve them. Often kids who are focused on achieving good things don’t even think about doing the wrong thing. Although it might sound a bit harsh, another important part of helping your children make good decisions is to prevent them from hanging out with people who make bad ones. If your child is spending lots of time with kids who clearly pose a bad influence you can only expect them to start making bad decisions. Obviously you don’t want to limit your child’s freedom or social interaction too much, but it is important to make sure that they are safe. While you might not be able to bring your child into contact with the very best of influences in terms of their friends, you can prevent them from spending too much time with children who are clearly destructive.
Using these methods you should be able to help your child make good decisions and live a productive and happy life. However, as a parent you must always realize that a child’s life is their own and that they are free to choose.

Filed Under: Raising Children Tagged With: bad choices and kids, children and big decisions, stop your child from making bad choices

Starting school

July 29, 2011 By admin Leave a Comment

a little asian girlOften your child starting school is a difficult transition for both you and your child. There are things that can be done to make the transition easier for both of you, giving your child the best chance of success in school. The following is a look at what you can do when your child starts school.

Before school starts there are some things you will want to do with your child. For example, take the time to visit the school together so that your child can become familiar with the campus, and so they feel confident that they know where their classroom is, the bathroom is, the lunchroom, drinking fountain, etc.

You may also want to go to the school during regular school hours so that they can be used to the idea of school as a busy, loud, place where many people are bigger than they are. Of course it is always wise to have your child meet their teacher with you there. This way your child can get used to the idea with you there to support them.

You want to talk to your child about what school will be like, how many people will be in their class, and what their teacher expects of them. If there is a uniform, make sure they try it on before the first day of school. Help your child understand what their day will entail, including what the rules are, what they need to do if they need to use the bathroom, and what to do when school lets out. Show them where to get on the bus, or where you will be to pick them up each day.

If possible, make the transition of going to school easier for the child by helping them make a friend in their class before the first day of school. This means arrange play dates, etc. so that there will be a familiar face in the classroom.

Most importantly, if you want your child’s experience of starting school to be a positive one, be sure that you are upbeat about them going, even if you do not actually feel that way, help them to get excited. Be sure that your child is looking forward to school, not dreading it. If they are dreading it, be sure to deduce why, and help calm any fears they might have.

During the first few weeks of school your child will struggle the most with the adjustment, so make it easier for them by being consistent. Always be on time to pick your child up from school, and be sure that you have a routine for the morning and after school. This should include some special time with a snack and chatting to reconnect after the day. School makes kids hungry, so have food on hand. Listen to what they tell you, and show them you are interested by engaging in the conversation.

If your child is not adjusting well, complains of bullying, or has some other problem, be sure to address it sooner, rather than later. Talk to his or her teacher, visit the school, etc. Your goal is to make starting school as exciting as easy as possible, so be sure that you are tuned into your child enough to know if they have a concern you should be addressing about school.

Filed Under: Raising Children Tagged With: children, kindergarten, raising children, school, starting school

Starting early with good habits

July 28, 2011 By admin Leave a Comment

girl helping with laundryWhen you think back to everything your parents taught you as a child is there something that stands out? Perhaps it was when they taught you to ride a bicycle or to drive a car. Maybe it was when they helped you to do your homework or drove you to school every morning. There are so many things our parents taught us, and we would surely be nowhere in this world without those important lessons. However, if you think a little bit more broadly you find that one of the best things your parents taugh you were good habits. This could be brushing your teeth, doing your homework, or saying please and thankyou. There are all sorts of habits that we learned from our parents that helped to make us who we are today. They might be simple things we do everyday or they might be important yearly activities. In any case, it is very important that your children learn good habits early so that they can build on them throughout life. The sooner they start to learn good habits the more likely they will be to make them a regular part of their lives. Furthermore, the sooner they start to develop these patterns the easier your job will be as a parent. You are probably tired of doing everything for your kids; helping them to develop good habits as a young child will make your job so much easier, both today and in the coming years.
One thing to remember as you are teaching your young child good habits is that patience is your best ally. You simply cannot expect that your children will develop good habits over night. Continue to show them what to do and reward them openly when they do the right thing. Explain to them why you are teaching them what your are teaching them. They need to understand the purpose of good habits or they won’t understand why they are so important. Be kind but firm and expect to dedicate some time to developing these habits.
It will be virtually impossible to teach your children good habits unless you practice them yourself. This is the case especially with young children because they observe their parents in order to figure out how to behave. You can teach them all sorts of interesting or beneficial things, but unless you can show them how to live your teaching will be all for nothing. If you find that one of the good habits you are trying to teach your young child is something you find difficult to consistently do, you will need to fix this problem first. Kids are very sharp when it comes to observing hypocrisy in their parents. They can sniff any type of double standard immediately. Another thing to watch for is avoiding bad habits. Your children will learn from these as much as they will learn from the good ones.
One good way that I have found to help my young child learn good habits is to create a good habit checkoff sheet. When your child does what they are supposed to do, they check off a box on the list. When they can check off all of the boxes on a single category you should give them a significant reward. This will help to create a positive cycle of reinforcement for good habits and you will find that your child will start to do them without any encouragement. With some patience and some practice you will find that you can teach your young child good habits quickly.

Filed Under: Raising Children Tagged With: children and habits, kids and good habits, kids and starting to teach good habits early

Should you give your child an allowance?

July 27, 2011 By admin Leave a Comment

putting allowance in the bankThe question of whether or not you should give your child an allowance is one many parents fret over. They see the value in it in many respects, but also worry about what stipulations to put on it, what ramifications it might bring, and whether or not they are spoiling their child.

Most experts agree that an allowance is actually a very good thing, as long as you choose the right age and amount, and you have clear rules and regulations in place to govern it.

One reason to give your child an allowance is that in order for your child to properly learn how to manage money, a skill they will need and use their whole life, they have to have some. Just like in order to learn how to skate you need skates, to learn to use money well, you need money to use. By giving your child some money to call their own, they get a more fundamental grasp of concepts that might have seemed abstract or irrelevant before, such as delayed gratification, saving up, or prioritizing spending.

The next reason to give your child an allowance is that it offers them a low risk environment to hone and master those skills. If they spend all of their allowance on Monday and have none left Saturday, it does not mean they will go hungry or have no roof over their head. If the first time they are entrusted with their own money is when they are adults and married, the same impulses they had as a child, that were less drastic, such as not getting to buy popcorn at the movie because they burned through their allowance, may mean bankruptcy, foreclosure, or severe debt. Basically, giving your child an allowance allows them to make the mistakes and learn from them before they are adults.

Obviously not every child needs an allowance. A two year old would not benefit much from an allowance as the concept of “impulse buying” etc. are still too foreign. Most experts agree that around age 5 or 6 is a good time to start with an allowance, as it is around that age that kids start to understand that money is used to buy them what they want. Once they get that, it is good to instill in them information on how to manage that money. So, wait until they understand the value, and can plan how to spend it before giving them any.

So how much allowance should you give your child? Honestly, that is up to you. Some people can only afford small amounts, while others, despite their financial situation may opt to limit allowance to help kids learn to value money more. In many cases families use a formula such as a set amount per year old you are. That way kids get automatic raises, and fights over why one kid gets more or less than another are eliminated. A dollar or fifty cents per year is fairly typical.

How often should you give allowance? It does not matter as long as you are consistent. You can do it weekly, and hand it out Monday before school. You can do it with your paychecks, and give it out after you receive your pay, which is often bi-weekly, or twice monthly. You can opt to do it monthly even. Just make sure you remember, and your children know when to expect it.

Allowances, as long as they are not too extravagant, and as long as they are in addition to meeting basic needs such as food and clothes, are a great idea.

Filed Under: Raising Children Tagged With: allowance, children, give kids allowance, money, raising children

Setting boundaries for your children

July 26, 2011 By admin Leave a Comment

child wearing sunglassesParents have a lot of responsibilities. One of the important responsibilities they have is to set boundaries for their children. Children are not born automatically knowing what is right and wrong and what is safe and dangerous. Parents need to help them and setting boundaries for their children is a great way to keep kids safe and to help them learn how to behave. This article discusses setting boundaries for children.

Why kids need them

Children need boundaries because it is helpful for their development, it will help them learn to structure their own time, and it will help them learn how to live in the world. When children do not have boundaries they are not as prepared for life and for being an adult.

Decide on boundaries

It is important for parents to think about what type of boundaries they want to set for their children. This can be done before a child is born, or anytime after. Some boundaries are developed as the child grows and parents learn where boundaries need to be set. Of course boundaries may change as a child grows, but boundaries in general should always be enforced by the parents.

When to begin

It is best for parents to begin setting boundaries for their child when their child is young. Saying the word “No” is probably one of the first words a parent will use to set boundaries for their child. Depending on the age of the child the parent should set appropriate boundaries. Some examples of beginning boundaries are not running into the street, or playing with the stove.

It can be easier for children to understand and follow the boundaries that are set for them if the parent begins when they are younger. If the child is older it can be a little harder to begin setting boundaries.

Talk to childrenkid with frog

Parents should involve their children when they are developing the boundaries. This is a great opportunity for parents to teach their children about inappropriate behavior and what behavior is acceptable. Parents should make sure that their children understand why they are setting boundaries and what the consequences will be if the boundaries are crossed or if rules are broken.

Constant boundaries and consequences

Consistency is very important in a child’s life, especially when it comes to boundaries. The consequences that come from crossing a boundary should always be enforced. Children should not be able to get away with something just because it is a different circumstance, they were with their friends, or any other excuse they may try to use to get out of punishment.

Changing boundaries

As mentioned previously, boundaries may need to change because a child will grow and will understand the world better, and may need to be protected against certain things at certain ages. Parents should take the time to sit down with their children often to discuss their boundaries and change what may need to be changed. The parents are the ones who should set the boundaries, but it is important for them to listen to their children’s thoughts and concerns about the boundaries that are set.

Not too many

Parents should be careful not to set too many boundaries. Though there is not a set number that is considered too much, a parent may be able to tell over time if they have set too many, or maybe if they have not set enough boundaries. Children may test their boundaries more often if they have too many.

Filed Under: Raising Children Tagged With: boundaries, changing, children, consequences, constant, decide, no, parents, setting, talk

Reading’s Effect on Your Child

July 25, 2011 By admin Leave a Comment

little girl reading a book to teddy bearOne of the best days of your child’s cognitive development is when they say their first word. Later down the road, you may not be able to get them to stop talking. It’s a wonderful time in a child’s life when they finally understand enough language to express themselves. Children learn more words than any other way through reading and associating words on the page with ideas. Reading to your child even when they seem too young to pay attention, will help them develop skills they will take with them through the rest of their lives. Below are some other ways that reading to your child can help in his or her development:

  • Reading develops their communication skills more quickly. It is a proven fact that children who are read to by their parents learn to speak much sooner than those who are not. This is especially true if you point at pictures, and say the words.
  • Reading develops understanding, so even if a child doesn’t know how to say words himself, he understands what you are trying to tell him. This is especially true if you choose well illustrated books that interest them. If you see that they love stories about dinosaurs, buy those kind of books.
  • Children who enjoy reading with their parents learn to enjoy it on their own and become confident learners. This means that your child will likely do better in school, and have a good foundation for all other areas of education.
  • Stories help develop a child’s imagination, especially when they are read to interactively. You can ask them what they think will happen next, or what they think is happening in the picture. A good imagination means a stronger learner, and a happier child.
  • Reading can help young children learn to associate pictures and objects with words. If you read an alphabet book, for example, you may say A is for apple, point out the picture of the apple then find that they associate the picture with the fruit in your kitchen. It is a good way to teach reasoning and learning through association.
  • When a child reads, they are able to cope with feelings more affectively. Reading books that contains children whose feelings are similar to your child’s feelings tell her that she is not alone and that her feelings are okay. It can also teach them how to better manage their feelings.
  • Reading helps children to relieve stress as it takes their mind off of stresses that may be bothering them and sends their mind soaring into a different realm.

Reading is all good, and no bad, so read with your child, and encourage them to read as much as they can.

Filed Under: Raising Children Tagged With: books, child education, children, education, raising children, reading

Raising special needs children

July 24, 2011 By admin Leave a Comment

toddler standingRaising special needs children can be hard but at the same time it can be very rewarding. There are times when parents who are raising a special needs child may feel overwhelmed. It takes a lot of support, medical care, information, and love to raise special needs children. This article talks about raising special needs children so that parents have the information they need.

Special needs

There are many different types of special needs children. Some of the conditions that these children have are very minor and some are more major and could restrict a child’s everyday functions. Minor conditions can usually be treated by therapy or some other type of treatment, whereas more major conditions may not be able to be treated.

For example, allergies that limit a child’s menu are more of a mild type of special need. A child who has a life-threatening medical condition or who has severe mental retardation is considered a major special need.

Learning

In the beginning, parents should pay very close attention to their children so that certain conditions and diseases can be diagnosed as early as possible. After their child has been diagnosed with a condition, the parents should listen to the doctor and other specialists. They should ask questions. It is very important that all of their questions are answered.

It is essential that parents who will be or who are raising a special needs child to learn all that they can about their child’s condition. Parents should learn about where and how the child developed the condition and how the parent can help their child.

Parents should also do their own research. There are internet sites that are credible sources of information. The most creditable sites will usually end in .org or.gov. These websites are non-profit or government sites and are not trying to give information to sell something. Parents can also find online support groups and they can contact people who have a child with the same or a similar condition.

Many communities also have support groups. It can be helpful for parents to speak to other parents who are going through a similar situation. Parents can also check out books and read medical journals from their local library that talk about information about their child’s condition.

Good doctors

Having a good doctor for the special needs child is very important. A parent should feel comfortable with the doctor they have chosen. They should be able to communicate well with each other and the parents should make sure that all of their questions are answered. The doctor that a parent chooses should be the best doctor around that deals with their child’s specific condition.

Stay on top

Parents raising special needs children need to make sure that they stay on top of all of the information about their child’s condition as well as treatment. A parent needs to be the one to tell the doctor if something doesn’t seem to be working and make sure that they understand what the doctor is talking about.

Keeping records of all the tests, treatments, doctor appointments, the diagnosis, any therapy, prescriptions etc., is a very good idea. Keeping emergency phone numbers on hand is also very important. If a special needs child goes to school or to another type of facility they need to have a list of numbers of people to call in case there is a problem.

Together

Parents who are raising a special needs child must stick together. It can be very trying and hard sometimes. If the couple works together they can give each other support. If one spouse takes on more of the work than the other, they should inform their partner about what is going on so that they can both be involved in the child’s life.

Acceptance

It can be helpful for parents raising a special needs child to understand that their child just might not be able to do some things that other children can do because of his or her condition. Parents should love the child for who they are and be happy with the obstacles the child overcomes, no matter how little they may seem.

Money

Raising a special needs child can be expensive. It is very important that parents get information about the costs as soon as they can so that that can budget accordingly. Parents should also find out if there is financial aid available through government agencies, either local or state.

Have fun as a family

It is still important to have fun as a family. Make sure that the special needs child is involved with family activities as much as they are able. Families should have fun and laugh together.

A break

Sometimes being a special needs child’s caregiver can be very stressful and parents may need a break. It is important that they get this break. Parents should leave the child with a trusted caregiver, perhaps a family member, and have a nice getaway.

Filed Under: Raising Children Tagged With: acceptance, books, break, children, doctor, family, fun, learning, money, parents, raising, special needs
« Older Posts
Newer Posts »